Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And then he peed in my hair
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