It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
