It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
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they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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