Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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