Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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