Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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