So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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