How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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