remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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