Soap is not a condiment
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
