DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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