some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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