One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
