Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Found your dick twin last night
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
