dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
