Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
