i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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