I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something about gay babies.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize