I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
