I accidentally burped into my bong.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i love accidental penises.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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