dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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