Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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