oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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