they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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