If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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