Me too!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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