i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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