he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
