So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I am one with the molecules
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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