New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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