You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
