hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
