we have officially lost it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
time to smoke my breakfast
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i think i just lost a toe
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