If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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