Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
