ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
