started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
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I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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