Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize