Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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