You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
