I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
