apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
