Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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