somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
