Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
