My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
