The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
