We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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