Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
