Your mouth is God's brothel.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
