This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
