Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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