You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
