Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
