i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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