please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
