Pregnant stripper...not hot.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
