it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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