'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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