Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
