i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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