Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
