seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
