I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
