When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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