You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
