You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
