Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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