She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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