I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
