this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
