I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
