How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
