I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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