I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
