your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
