so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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