You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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